Simon Hoggart writes political sketches for the Guardian, and a column on wine for the Spectator.
Today he writes this fantastic column on the front page of the paper about the Speaker of the House of Commons, Michael Martin.
Yes, this is pure political sketching caviar!
A few paragraphs of his piece:
“It was gruesome, horrible, pathetic and miserable. You had to watch it through your fingers, with teeth clenched and stomach knotted. It wasn’t even tragic, if tragedy is the story of a great man brought down by his own weakness. Michael Martin is a weak man about to be destroyed by his own weakness.
The Speaker resembled a boxer totally outfought, tottering numbly around the ring, barely aware of what was happening, staggering into his opponent’s fists, somehow upright, but swaying. He is a dead man reeling. In any humane venue, the referee would have stopped the fight. But he is the referee! And he’s not stopping anything!
…He didn’t even mention the possibility of resignation. Instead, he intends to hold a top-level meeting. A meeting! If this man were tackling the Great Fire of London he would announce a commission on fire prevention measures, to report by the autumn. He simply doesn’t get it.
…It was, as everyone kept saying, a historic day in parliament. Or at least a hysteric day.
David Winnick, an aged Labour sage, asked the Speaker – pleaded with him – to give some indication of when he would retire.
But Michael Martin was no more going to do that than drop his trousers and tango on the table of the house. “You know that is not a subject for today,” he said. But it was, precisely and exactly, the only subject for the day.
David Heath, for the Lib Dems, got loud support when he said that the very people “who got us into this position by resisting reform [who can he have meant?] cannot possibly be the people to lead us out of it!”
…The worst news came near the end, when the only real support came from Bob Spink, a Tory turned Ukip, and largely detested by all sides. It was like a beleaguered banker getting heartfelt support from Sir Fred Goodwin. The end must be very near.”
Brilliant!